To Court or Abort: The Five (and a half) Stages of Courting

While I’ve had my shares of heart break, mistakes, both rational and irrational instincts, spazzes, and successes; I’m self proclaimed as being able to give some stable and sound insight (I’d rather not call it advice just yet) into the world of dating. Ironically, I’m not in any stable relationship at the moment, yet am enjoying being alone for the time being. What is my life?

This post comes in response to a conversation that has lasted over the past few days with a friend of mine. Last week, she had gasped over a surprise text she had received from a male acquaintance of hers expressing his interest in taking her out on a date after they had a brief run in the day before. Within the half hour, a date was set for next Friday at a Venezuelan restaurant. Fantastic; she has a suitor.

A few days later, the conversation came up again as my friend had to explain to her suitor that she had to delay their date on Friday a few hours. As the conversation continues she exclaims, “I just want to be courted!”

But wait, isn’t flirtatious texting and setting up a one on one over empanadas and candles considered courting? The answer is yes. So I took it upon myself to explain the Five and a Half Stages of Courting:

  • Stage Point Five (.5): This stage doesn’t even get a whole number since it could potentially lead to pure friendship as well as happily ever after. I categorize this stage as the communication gates opening and whether they flood or not is up to either parties. This first text can be recognized by the unknown contact number at the top of the screen as well as the text containing the first and last name of the person that you just gave you’re number to. This may or may not be followed up with an “It was great meeting you tonight!” and an emojicon smilie face.

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  • Stage One: Stage one is what brought about this whole conversation with my dear friend. Stage One occurs when the courtier suddenly makes his true intentions fully aware. All of a sudden you realize that they find you attractive, and want to set up a date over some Taco Bell (oh wait… that’s just my fantasy isn’t it). Basically it’s when the texting comes from a place of intimate interest and is not just platonic, hence the whole number. Hold on to your seats ladies in case you’re potentially blown away by his stunning good looks, witty quips, and perfect biceps.
  • Stage Two: Stage two marks the commencement of the face-to-face courting and can be identified with the first official date. Instead of hiding behind your phone or Facebook, both of you are finally gazing into each other’s eyes over cheesy gordita crunches (I swear I’m not starving or anything..) All of a sudden there are other factors that you need to take into account. How excited where you before you embarked on this romantic outing? What are you wearing?

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Does their breath smell, did they pick up the tab, are they going to hold your hand, and what about that kiss goodnight??! Stage two can bring on all sorts of emotions such as excitement or anxiety, but what it really attempts to bring about is the reality of whether or not you two click.

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  • Stage Three: This stage is the post-date communication which is usually more frequent than the pre-date communication if Stage Two went swimmingly well. Commonly used phrases in Stage Three include “I couldn’t stop thinking about you today”, “I can’t wait to see you again”, and “Let’s try ______ next time.” Stage Three typically eludes to a next date and possibly more. Communication, like I said is more frequent, possible daily, and all of a sudden the flirtation meter rockets off the map.
  • Stage Four: Eventually if you like the person it’s bound to happen. Stage Four is when it all gets physical. All of a sudden you’ve added a whole new set of insecurities into your courting. Hopefully things go will in between the sheets so that things can go really well out of them.
  • Stage Five: The last stage is where you might as well be dating, but you haven’t made it official yet. In regards to my last post, he’s your franchise player. You stay over each other’s places on the weekends and maybe even have a toothbrush on their bathroom sink. You have dinner dates AND make out dates. You text flirt the crap out of each other and you’re inching closer and closer to putting on the labels.

That about covers that. You let me know if there are any outstanding questions.

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