October 31st is soon to be upon us. A holiday that encourages little kids to knock on the doors of complete strangers without their parents executing proper background checks. Then these strangers place candy into the sticky little hands of children that trespass through their perfectly planted garden boxes and casually peak into their windows to make sure someone’s home. Halloween is really an interesting holiday that straddles the line between what is socially acceptable and what is considered encouraging semi reckless and weird behavior.
But for those of us that are too old to participate in Trick-or-Treating and do not have children that we can let roam free around the neighborhood, All Hallow’s Eve is quite the different celebration. Personally I’m not overly enthusiastic for the holiday, but I’ve avidly participated in the festivities over the years by ensuring that I have enough liquor in my system. What is my life?
So I present to you my expectations for Halloween 2013:
I expect there to be Halloween parties and special events hosted at either the frat house or the trendy bar downtown that requires you to pay a cover that is inflated about 300%. More people than you’re used to will be packed into the bar that you frequent every other weekend and the chances of Superman getting into a fight with Batman getting into a fight with the bouncer are astronomically high. Apparently, everyone thinks they are a bad-ass on Halloween.
I expect skin tight outfits. Girls stumble around in their heels, usually wearing a tight dress that they sported to the bar a few weekends before with an added accessory or two. Those that aren’t in dresses are typically wearing catsuits. Red lipstick sales peak at this time of year, as does fishnet tights and animal ear headbands. I expect to see a lot more upper thigh than I am accustomed to seeing as well as a lot more girls going bra less. Ladies, if you ever have to ask whether or not it is noticeable that you aren’t wearing a bra, the answer is always YES.
I expect people to get pneumonia, due to the excessive skin exposure associated with not wearing any type of overcoat because, “It will cover up my belly dancer (hula dancer, wonder woman, cheerleader, french maid, sexy nurse) costume.” And females are not the only sex guilty of not caring about their immune system. I can say this with confidence: there will not be a shortage of shirtless guys on Halloween this year.
I expect that there will be that one jackass that flirts with the offensive and slightly racist costume choices, only to give in. Yes, someone is always willing to dress as a racial stereotype or attempt to change their race entirely. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s not. To this individual, I say good luck to you sir/madam and be prepared for the reactions/consequences.
I expect that someone will dress as a semi recently deceased celebrity. I’m sure that before the passing of William Darrell “Billy” Mays Jr. ; spokesperson for OxiClean, Orange Glo, and KaBoom in 2009, dressing as the promotional mogul wasn’t as popular. It may also be safe to say that attending functions as the Zombie-fied Billy Mays was not as popular either before his death. Now, I see Billy Mays everywhere on 10/31.
RIP Billy Mays (July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009)
Not Billy Mays. http://www.obit-mag.com/
Zombi Billy Mays unrealitymag.com
I expect to be able to find not one, not two, but multiple Waldo’s. On Halloween, all the Waldo’s come out of hiding, donning their signature red and white stripped sweater, hipster glasses, and hat with pom-pom. They can be spotted at the bar, casually sipping an IPA (I imagine Waldo enjoying a nice, classy beer) or busting moves on the dance floor.
There he is! brandylovestomatoes.com
I expect to see the couples out in FULL FORCE, because god forbid salt gets separated from pepper, or peanut butter is left alone with out jelly. If you do a couples costume, no one will understand what you are without your other half. The butt of a horse can easily be mistaken for the butt of many other animals. Without the top half I’m at a loss for what you are my poor unfortunate friend.
I expect everyone to get way too drunk off of red dyed pumpkin flavored beer, hard ciders, and Halloween themed shots. I don’t know how celebrating dead saints with copious amounts of booze work hand in hand, but October 31st has seamlessly made the transition to being just another holiday I can celebrate through getting sloshed.
Well there you have it! Halloween weekend should be quite the show, and if NONE of my expectations turn into your reality, then you aren’t doing it right. Best wishes, stay warm, get drunk, find Waldo, and enjoy!
Twenty Something... What is my Life? 